So, i havent written anything since April, and i have been dying to to able to get something down.

This was written about 20 mins ago, and do you know what, i actually kind of like it too.

This is kind of a message for someone, and for everyone that I know. And it is so true to me; i dont regret the mistakes that i have made in the past (though there have been some doozies) because you can learn from them, and try not to make those same mistakes again. But i do regret the things that i wanted to do, but didnt because i was too scared; what would people think? would i manage to upset someone? how will it make me look? All these fears held me back from things that i feel i should have done, but didnt have the balls to do in the first place. I think its the only regret that a human can have, unless you've done something really bad like murder...but thats a whole other debate, and im talking about everyday life and the generic things that we all go through.

I'm not going to go in to all the things i feel i should have done or said, because i know that it could cause some people pain or anger (still being held back by it, you see) which i dont want to do. One thing i always wish i could do is go and rip the living shit out of a certain someone who has made it their life goal to make my life a living hell from the moment i was born. But i dont think that we should go in to that.

But, as i think about everything i said in this poem more and more, i begin to wonder if maybe we dont do or say certain things is a good thing because we know that if we do it, then we will be causing so much pain to ourselves and others, and unless you are either someone who enjoys not thinking about others and thereby hurting them, or your a masicist, then you just dont want to go down that road. A lot of our mistakes are made, ok, alot of my mistakes have been made, because i havent thought deeply enough about the consiquences of my actions. Maybe these things that we never say and never do are a logical reaction to us thinking more about the consiquences, and thereby, not wishing to cause pain.

Oh, i dont know, somehow i think i just managed to way too deep in to my own thinking and have giving myself a headache...one should never analyse ones self, for fear of seeing something in us that we do not wish to. Because once we have seen it, we cannot ignore it, and sometimes the addressing of it makes our lives ten times worse.

Does this make any sense.



Anyway, i do hope you enjoy it, and if you related or have any feedback, please comment...for one thing, it makes me feel loved, and for another, it bridges the gaps between us.


And now im shutting up because i sound like a presumptious git.

Love to you all