acid-delilah

Lord, todays been a busy one...Im not used to being busy.

So after only four and a half hours sleep (thanks Pip!!-my four month old kitten) I had to haul arse out of bed, do some shopping (foolishy havent worked out how long Pips food actually lasts, and you try finding an open chemist on a bank holiday). Then it was getting across medway to go see my besties brother and his flatmates to give them a massage (3 massages in one day, when you havent done one in MONTHS!! You feel it) and then it was over to the besties to hang out and chill. Then back to her brothers to collect the massage table, home, job hunt, be social with one of dads mates...and now, rest.
And tomorrow, its get arse in gear and do some ruddy housework.

I have to be honest, though I tired to the very core-I would be asleep, but this cold is killing me-I actually feel good about having done something today. My life's pretty spent looking for jobs, looking after Pip, watching random tv series (currently Im on Angel) and sleeping. Just being social was nice, and hanging out with your best friend, which we havent done in forever! And her other half cooked dinner, which was just plain NOM!! Kinda felt like the three of us 'back in the old days'. Sometimes its hard being around those two; we were talking about it today. Im happy for her, especially now she's moves (really havent seen her look that happy in a while). She is in a loving relationship, has a job, her own place. I am happy for her, but when you dont have it yourself and you really want it, well, it can leave a bitter aftertaste in your month. Not because I dont want her to have all that, I do, its just painful to look at your own life and you dont. But it makes me work harder to get there. And as I keep saying, the longer your without, its just another day closer to getting it.

Im probably a little more moody about it all because I applied for what is pretty much my dream job the other day; its basically a peer mentor in a local secondary school. An unoffical councillor to help the students. Its perfect. Its exactly what I want to do. I want it so bad. But I have hardly any work exeriance as is, so obviously there are more qualifed people. I just want it so bad but I know the odds are not in my favour. All I could do was write the best application I could, and hope that they see my passion and drive, and are interested enough to give me an interview. Oh well, fingers and pretty much everything else is crossed.

I have more to say, but I really am so tired. And Pip has taken the opportunity to lie right across my chest in an effort to kill me. Isnt he sweet? So yeah, sleep and get all well rested and tomorrow, more job hunting and housework...and more Angel, as Im actually enjoying re-watching it since the first time it was aired over here.

Getting so much love for my modelling shots, Im beginning to think I might have a knack for it? But only time will tell.

If anyone does read this though, could you do me one favour. Go to this facebook page
www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbi…
And like the picture. Its for a competition. But more importantly, its getting not only my face, but the Photographers ability out there for the world to see. Thanks

xxx

So, after about two weeks of stress and being close to pulling out my hair, the worst of it is over and I can now relax.

Ive officially signed up to JSA, but I have no idea when the money will start to come through so until then Im being so careful with my money. Also, due to being on JSA, Im going crazy with the jobsearches. Granted, I was throwing out cv's and application forms left right and centre anyway, but being on JSA where you have to furfil certain critera means that Im not going to get disheartened again and stop. This has pretty much been the cycle for the last couple of years; I go mental for about a month with looking for a job, but you end up with so many rejections or just not hearing anything, I give up because its too disheartening and stressful, then after a couple of months, Im back at it. With JSA, I cnt do that. I have to keep going until I find a job no matter what, or they'll turn around and say "no money for you this week young lady" which would SUCK!
And because of being on JSA, they are making me run around like Lady Crazy this week; tomorrow and wednesday Ive gotta get over to Gillingham and do a CV writing course (mine is apparently awful) but they are covering the cost of travel and hopefully there will be food there-yay! And then I have my sign on day on Thursday where its some group interview. No clue what we'll be doing in this group, but it wont be for very long, so not bothered.
All this means that my plan to re-write my work has to go on the back burner. I need to prioritise, and job with income comes first.

Also-and this is the random bit-I have joined a modelling agency. Who'd-a-thunk it?? Ive never had any real aspirations to be a model, nothing beyond "it would be nice to be beautiful enough to be a model". But after doing a shoot back in the summer from an old friend who has taken himself off to uni to do a course in photography, my thoughts of "wouldnt it be nice" got stronger.
Then he mentioned my name to a friend of his who is basically doing the same thing, building a portfolio for university, and when asked "would you mind being a model for someone else?" and my reply being "If anyone else wants me, sure". So hopefully soon, she and I will be sorting out the plans for doing a shoot soon. I kinda figured that maybe I could be an amiture (majorly amiture, lol) model for photographers who wanna practice and build portfolios...kinda like Id be the training wheels. It would be fun and Id get some nice pic of me out of it all to boost the old ego and self esteem.
Then I was approched by this woman who wanted me to join her modelling agency, and I actually signed up. Its hard to say no to someone who says "you have that rocker look and sexiness". This modelling agency is basically a spring board agency from what I have read, though I do wonder if Im missing something from the whole deal. But I get between 50-100 shots to use in my portfolio, most of the work done is for free (I think its basically for photographers who wanna try out new and interesting things, but already have gigs as wedding photographers and portraits etc) and from what I gather, the only money that changes hands is between the photographer and model...the only time the agency gets involved is when they pay the model travel expenses. But that leads me to wonder how they make any money. It is something Ill ask about. But there is no contract, so they dont own the models, and the models can take their pics and use them where ever (so long as the agency and photographer is mentioned) so i know that if I dont like something at a later date, I can just mosie on out. So though I still have some questions, Im not too worried about any of it. It'll be a fun and an adventure.

I look at the things I have posted and for a fair number of them I think "I can do better" so Im going to go on a re-write spree. Some things it might just be dealing with punctuation (which Im pretty awful it, to be sure), others might just need polishing, some just need to simply man-up, grow a pair and get decent.

I have spoken!!

Considering it was only a few years ago that I was literally attched to devi like glue, all I ever do now is forget that I even am apart of this, I dont write any more, my ability at art could maybe be classed as 'promising for a seven year old' and the only phots I ever take are dorky ones of me and my mates and my bf...I have long since lost my muse (otherwise known as the teenage angst that fueled me) and have come to terms with that. It sucks, but Im very proud that once upon a time, I coujld say that not only was I a writer, but that I also had one or two fans. Not too bad really.

So valentines day is coming up, the second with my carl; I got two gifts for him and apparently I got three coming my way. Squee, I love presents. His aren't to great though, valentines gifts dont really cater for girls to give to guys, and I do feel that its unfair. So considering I am currently being forced to watch every single episode of 24 before the movie comes out, I decided to get him a 24 CTU mug and tax disk holder. Might even call him agent barrett for the day....meybe not. I did consider the crappy, cheesy, over-the-top valentines day bull; making him a mix cd of all the songs that remind me of him or getting a stuff toy of a photo frame with a pic of us in it....but i realised that i would only be going it because its what i want (less so the stuffed toy) and would be hinting. So i figure get him something fun....24 is fun (?) and useful (he has been moaning about his god-awful, hold-no-heat mugs and how his tax disk keeps falling off)

Unfortuntly, Valentines day will only be shorted lived as he gotta bugger off to work at two and wont get out till 10 in the evening. So it'll be a flying visit....not that I mind. We'll do a valentines day thing the week after; his mum and soon-to-be step-dad got us a gift voucher for this uber expensive and lush looking resturant as a xmas present, and we decided that as we didnt have a lot of money going on due to us saving for the holiday, we'd have that as our v-day thing. And hopefully he followed the rules on spending not more than a tenner for v-day. Im not cheap, and v-day is lovely, but I dont see the point of killing yourself for a day that has been so awfully commercised. Dont get me wrong, now I got a bf, I love v-day....but I still prefer xmas and halloween.....and my birthday a heck of a lot more. Prove your love every day, not just once a year. Make it special sure, but dont use it to make up for not keeping your love special.

So zen right now.